Season over

I have posted before about coping with the little ones when injured - and I have gone and done it again.  An invitation went out last week for a Veterans tournament at the rugby club, a couple of short games about the same length we play in O2 Touch sessions but normal contact rules apply.  Seeing as I was maybe 80% fit from the last injury I agreed to play, whilst making the guys know full well I would have to be in the backs rather than the pack.

It started well - in O2 Touch I always end up playing on the wing, no idea why (although it probably has something to do with me needing to catch my breath a lot more than the kids who come to the sessions), so the manager put me on the wing again for the tournament.  I can't pass to my right very well at all, but because when I play in the pack I am a crash ball specialist it doesn't normally matter too much, but in the backs I had to go on the right wing to reduce the chance of me needing to lob the egg that way.

Now, back when I was a teenager I used to play for 2 teams, one juniors and one seniors.  For the juniors I played at outside centre, but with the seniors I was way smaller and younger than the rest of the team, and way faster so I was a winger for them and as soon as I stepped out onto the wing it all came back to me, and there were a lot of high balls to catch and run back.  It was under one of these that I managed to cripple myself yet again without the help of anyone else on either team.  A high ball went up, I caught it and almost fumbled it and that little bit of juggling cost me precious time.  I was being closed down rather quickly so I did a dive pass to get the ball to my full back to let him hoof it up field rather than have me try and find touch with my left boot.  As I hit the ground, stretched out, pass arcing gracefully (Ha!) towards the full back, something went crack.

I struggled on for another 10 mins or so but ended up not being able to run and with a rather painful feeling in my lower back and hamstrings.  I came home after the matches, took painkillers and manned up, going to a gig the Saturday night with the camera and being a dirty stop out.

Fast forward to Tuesday.  I am supposed to be going out with a friend to celebrate his birthday but I am in agony.  I booked a docs appointment and cancelled (although we should be going out tonight instead if I can find a babysitter!).  I go to the docs Wednesday morning only to be told my season is well and truly over.  I have played only 4 games for my club this season and there won't be any more added to that total.  I managed to damage the soft tissue around the base of my spine and the swelling has pinched a couple of nerves so painkillers, anti-inflammatory meds and rest.  Til Preseason starts anyhow! 

Well, that was unexpected

It worked! It actually worked.  I have to admit that until about 5 minutes before kick off at the rugby match yesterday I thought I was going to get an entire row to myself but then these chaps came in and somehow the ticket I booked was right in the middle of where they were sat so I was splitting them up.  Knowing what my plan for the afternoon was (aside from watching Wasps vs Gloucester - was a great game!), I swallowed the nerves and offered to switch with the chap on the end so they could all sit together.  They duly accepted and for the first half pretty much talked between themselves and shouted at Wayne Barnes the ref.

They were getting onto the finer points of contesting a breakdown towards the end of the first half so I just bit the bullet and leaned in and offered my insight - cue a conversation! Yay go me!  I ended up chatting with this bloke called Matt who had an affiliation to Coventry rugby club for most of the second half while we were watching and he was a cracking chap.  I won't bore you with all of the details, after all it was pretty much all based on rugby and the various injuries sustained playing the sport we both love, but at the end as they were about the head to the fan village to watch the England match he said something that I don't think he realised meant a hell of a lot to me.  He said him and his friends are season ticket holders and that the seats they have are the seats they will be in every home match, if I wanted, why not book the same seat for myself and we can meet up next time I am down.  Needless to say after getting home I booked tickets for my son and I to go and watch the game against Saracens this weekend.

Now this meeting and a couple of other things that have gone on during the past couple of days have made me realise that a lot of the problems I am facing are because of things that have happened to me in the past which makes it difficult for me to form meaningful friendships and relationships.  So I have decided that it is best for the kids if Dad isn't a complete loner who doesn't really talk to anyone, but I need help getting the confidence that I used to have back.  I have been stuck in this rut for too long and so I am spending this morning finding out what support services are on offer locally and getting back to who I was before this dip.  It's not just for the kids, its for me, and it's for someone else too who's wise advice and genuine honesty telling me I need to get my shit together has helped me make this decision - you know who you are so I want to say "Thank You!".

Edit: Well I got some bad news today - very bad news and I am gutted but I can't really dwell on it, just have to move forward and get back to being myself.

See, it's not all easy

I think I lucked out a little bit before and was full of enthusiasm so the past couple of days I tried a couple of different things - coffee down the town for one.  What struck me was the sheer number of the stereotypical 'moms going for coffee' after the school run.  I felt the confidence that my first day trying had granted me sliding away to the point of staring down at my coffee until I had finished, feeling rather embarrassed at being alone.

The kids are away this weekend so I have planned to go out to a couple of places and do something an old friend and I used to do when I was at university.  We would make a random friend every time we went out, quite on purpose.  No, we didn't spend all night chatting up young ladies, it was men, women, anyone.  I distinctly remember two of these episodes - the first was a chap from Leicester, he repaired fruit machines for a living and he was good fun, nice to chat to and stayed with us the rest of the evening.  The second was a small group of people, they were sat on some leather sofas in one of the bars we used to go to so my friend and I sat opposite them as the seat was free and started conversation.  We ended up heading off to a rock club as a big group and its probably the only time I have really let my hair down on the dance floor.

Needless to say these experiences are probably a little out of reach nowadays.  I would be happy with just feeling like I could start a conversation but it appears to elude me at the moment.

I am also planning on doing something else this weekend that I have never done before, much to my chagrin.  I am headed over to Coventry on Sunday to watch Wasps play my lad's home team, Gloucester in the Aviva Premiership.  Can't really call yourself a rugby fan if you don't go to watch the team you like eh?  Straight after that match the England match is being shown in the fan village so if I manage to strike out with having a conversation in that kind of setting I need shooting!

Here's to a better weekend.

Back to work terrifies me

Well this morning I have been out to buy a suit.  After leaving my career behind to care for the kids full time, something has come up that interests me greatly.  I am a software developer and team leader by trade, having worked on some rather large projects for multinationals and government organisations.  This is the kid of job you can't really go back to part time so when this opportunity cropped up I was initially a little sceptical as to how much it was worth to be to be back in work.

In the end, the amount of money I will get different to now is not massively different, yes it's more, but mainly I will be feeling better about not scrounging off the state (I haven't been out of work since I left university - in fact I haven't been out of work since I was about 17).

I have a couple of concerns - I spoke about consistency previously and I am worried how, if I go back, the routine for the kids will change and how that will affect them.  I am also concerned that having a couple of years off in the IT industry is worse than other industries where the technology and the required skillsets don't progress as quickly.  Can I still pump out the same quality of software I always used to? Probably not for a few months while I get back to grips with things, but I have had to learn from scratch before and have the drive to do so again.

Next problem I face is one that will be quite familiar to pretty much anyone coming off benefits I would have thought, but having not been in this position before I find it quite daunting.  Benefits gives the family enough to exist, I have done my best to save a little but most of those savings were used just before Christmas when I had £700 of repairs needed on my car.  Will we be able to stretch the amount I have saved to last the first month of work until I get paid, or can I time it well enough to make sure I don't have to do something like that?  Hopefully things will line up well enough.

I should re-iterate that I haven't been offered a job yet, just an opportunity that I am looking into.