Well, that was unexpected

It worked! It actually worked.  I have to admit that until about 5 minutes before kick off at the rugby match yesterday I thought I was going to get an entire row to myself but then these chaps came in and somehow the ticket I booked was right in the middle of where they were sat so I was splitting them up.  Knowing what my plan for the afternoon was (aside from watching Wasps vs Gloucester - was a great game!), I swallowed the nerves and offered to switch with the chap on the end so they could all sit together.  They duly accepted and for the first half pretty much talked between themselves and shouted at Wayne Barnes the ref.

They were getting onto the finer points of contesting a breakdown towards the end of the first half so I just bit the bullet and leaned in and offered my insight - cue a conversation! Yay go me!  I ended up chatting with this bloke called Matt who had an affiliation to Coventry rugby club for most of the second half while we were watching and he was a cracking chap.  I won't bore you with all of the details, after all it was pretty much all based on rugby and the various injuries sustained playing the sport we both love, but at the end as they were about the head to the fan village to watch the England match he said something that I don't think he realised meant a hell of a lot to me.  He said him and his friends are season ticket holders and that the seats they have are the seats they will be in every home match, if I wanted, why not book the same seat for myself and we can meet up next time I am down.  Needless to say after getting home I booked tickets for my son and I to go and watch the game against Saracens this weekend.

Now this meeting and a couple of other things that have gone on during the past couple of days have made me realise that a lot of the problems I am facing are because of things that have happened to me in the past which makes it difficult for me to form meaningful friendships and relationships.  So I have decided that it is best for the kids if Dad isn't a complete loner who doesn't really talk to anyone, but I need help getting the confidence that I used to have back.  I have been stuck in this rut for too long and so I am spending this morning finding out what support services are on offer locally and getting back to who I was before this dip.  It's not just for the kids, its for me, and it's for someone else too who's wise advice and genuine honesty telling me I need to get my shit together has helped me make this decision - you know who you are so I want to say "Thank You!".

Edit: Well I got some bad news today - very bad news and I am gutted but I can't really dwell on it, just have to move forward and get back to being myself.

No-one plays forever

Last night I started a new adventure.  I feel a debt of gratitude to my rugby club, not only for making me feel welcome when I first turned up to play touch rugby a couple of years back and ever since, but for helping me keep my sanity through making me feel wanted, a valuable member of the squad, letting me push myself as a player and get that frustration and stress out on the field.

Ever since that first night I have felt like I wanted to give something back to the club and last summer that journey began when I chose to not only subscribe as a player but electing to pay a little extra to become a club vice president.  Last night the next step was taken, and with the injuries of the past year or so it has come at about the right time.  Last night I started down the path of becoming a qualified coach.

Now, in a room full of other new coaches, I was one of only 5 males which gives an enormous indication at how well Lichfield do at training the female side of the game, and in fact I believe everyone there (22 people) except me wanted to be either a mini-junior coach (mixed boy/girl) or age range girls coach.  My motivation was slightly different in this respect.  I want to help coach adults.  I want to be the person who when someone rocks up after 10-15 years of not playing, takes newcomers under their wing the way the Director of Rugby and veterans manager took me in and helped me.  Not often I could say that the person in charge of a national league side has time to spend half an hour on a Monday night after everyone else has gone home from touch, to help me hone my techniques in the scrum, lineout and ruck.  Those precious hours were invaluable to me (after all, as a veteran I am no where near fit enough to mix with the boys in the first team training sessions).

So was it done to me, so I shall pass it forward and do the same to others.  I can't play forever, but I can be involved.

This pain won't seem to heal...

Rather a morbid title for today's post but there is good reason for it, and it's not all that morbid.  I play rugby as a means of getting my frustrations out.  Everyone bottles some aspects of their life up, has frustrations, needs an outlet.  I guess some people choose the gym, some go watch football, others do needlework, it takes all sorts.  For me its rugby and it always has been since I was a teenager.

I am the kind of person who gives it his all to everything I do.  I can't help but be driven to be the best I can be in anything I try.  In the context of rugby it doesn't mean I am in the first XV, in fact at my age and fitness level I play for the Veterans (3rd XV).  Now I try and keep fit, and yes I give everything to that as well, but the problem I have is that I get injured.  A lot.  I worked out recently that in the past 12 months I have been injured in one way or another for at least 10 of them.  I have had knee ligament damage, both ankles damaged, crazy problems with fingers, concussion, broken ribs, all in the name of my sport.

Now the issue that is the topic for today.  At the moment my problem is a small tear in my hamstring.  Not a massive issue but still enough to stop me playing.  I can cope with it pretty much without painkillers (ok I occasionally take some paracetamol when it gets really tight) and it doesn't stop me doing most things, just aware of it nagging me, constantly there.  Now, this happened about eight weeks ago when I was recovering from a knee problem - my leg has been compensating for my knee injury and it got too much for my hamstring,  The problem now is that it just won't seem to heal.  It will die down after a couple of weeks then I will end up having to do something that requires a little leg strength and ping there it goes again.  Even something as daft as playing with the kids has made it give before now.

I really want to get back to my rugby but there are 2 main points that are stopping me right now.  Firstly I am tired of coming back too soon from injury and ending up injuring myself straight away again, and secondly with spring coming soon I want to be able to run about in the garden with the kids which means I need to stop having this hamstring go pop on me.

Anyway - today has been a bit of a ramble but needless to say this is another avenue for releasing the frustration, same as rugby is.  Got any other ideas that don't end up with me heading to A&E every other Saturday afternoon? Let me know in the comments.

Back to work terrifies me

Well this morning I have been out to buy a suit.  After leaving my career behind to care for the kids full time, something has come up that interests me greatly.  I am a software developer and team leader by trade, having worked on some rather large projects for multinationals and government organisations.  This is the kid of job you can't really go back to part time so when this opportunity cropped up I was initially a little sceptical as to how much it was worth to be to be back in work.

In the end, the amount of money I will get different to now is not massively different, yes it's more, but mainly I will be feeling better about not scrounging off the state (I haven't been out of work since I left university - in fact I haven't been out of work since I was about 17).

I have a couple of concerns - I spoke about consistency previously and I am worried how, if I go back, the routine for the kids will change and how that will affect them.  I am also concerned that having a couple of years off in the IT industry is worse than other industries where the technology and the required skillsets don't progress as quickly.  Can I still pump out the same quality of software I always used to? Probably not for a few months while I get back to grips with things, but I have had to learn from scratch before and have the drive to do so again.

Next problem I face is one that will be quite familiar to pretty much anyone coming off benefits I would have thought, but having not been in this position before I find it quite daunting.  Benefits gives the family enough to exist, I have done my best to save a little but most of those savings were used just before Christmas when I had £700 of repairs needed on my car.  Will we be able to stretch the amount I have saved to last the first month of work until I get paid, or can I time it well enough to make sure I don't have to do something like that?  Hopefully things will line up well enough.

I should re-iterate that I haven't been offered a job yet, just an opportunity that I am looking into.