Busy, busy, busy

This weekend has been mighty busy as I still try and work out the right balance between time for the kids and time for myself.  With the confidence I have found recently I actually got invited out a couple of times as had the means to say yes, thanks to a very kind old dear babysitting for me.  Friday was the first time in I think a year that I was able to go out and have a couple of drinks.  I can say for sure I can't hold it like I used to, but I still know my limits and a friend of mine was very kind to me and kept me busy on the text front while I was having mild panics because I didn't really know many people at the bar we were at.  Yes I was probably being very antisocial but I was still interacting with people so I felt good.

Saturday I woke up with the inevitable bad head and struggled a little but still managed to do what is a Saturday tradition for us and take the kids down to the local swimming pool for an hour or so.  I am not pushing them into doing badges or learning, they do that with their Mother I believe so our sessions are all about having a bit of fun as a family.

Cue Saturday night and I do my best to keep off the phone but the occasional glance kept reassuring me with words of encouragement again, but this time we headed down to a rock bar I haven't been in since I was at university (quite a while ago!).  Not a single thing has changed I don't think!  I was introduced to a fair few people and bumped into some of the ones I had met on Friday night too, reaffirming the whole atmosphere of community which I have been looking for.  Again the beer was flowing so I was having some very strange conversations, including one with a random chap called Thomas who worked in marketing promoting animal rights who confessed to me he felt really bad about his job sometimes because he loved a bacon sandwich.  I also bumped into one or two folks I haven't seen in a couple of years from back when I was in the band scene as a band member and not just a fan - including one of the guys from an excellent band who's farewell gig was the first one I took my brother to a few years back.

So I was actually quite careful on Saturday night and didn't drink myself into a torpor, knowing I would be driving on Sunday (hence looking relatively sober in the photo).  Sunday was a big day for me.  A rite of passage as you will.

My son has come and watched me play rugby a fair few times, and also come to watch Lichfield play when I have been injured but Sunday was something a little more special, I took him to his first Premiership rugby match for Wasps vs Saracens in Coventry.  We got there good and early and had enough time to kit him out in a Wasps hoodie and cap which he chose himself and while my family contributed towards (club gear can be rather expensive!) and we duly took up our place in the stadium, only to be sat in front of the chap called Matt that I was talking to at the Wasps vs Gloucester game the week before.  I can see a theme starting here eh?  I want to show my lad that talking to people and making friends, whilst pretty difficult for me at least, is a good thing to do so I introduced him and he was impeccably behaved throughout, chanting along with the calls for Wasps, asking the right kind of questions ("What's that penalty for?") and then he came up with a couple of really good questions.  He asked me who my favourite rugby player is, so I told him its James Haskell who plays for Wasps in the same position that I like to think of as my normal spot on the back row.

Photo from BBC Sport

I then got asked to point him out, but unfortunately he wasn't playing yesterday because he is part of the England setup.  Little did I realise but the little man was on a mission so he persisted by asking who was my favourite player on the pitch.  I don't think he was expecting me to name a Saracen but I did - Jaques Burger who is a lion of a man who plays with such passion and heart that even though he tackles with his face sometimes, it is always clear he is having the time of his life each game.

Photo from talkingrugbyunion.co.uk

  What the little dude did next gave me such a glow.  He turns to look at me and says "Dad, you are my favourite rugby player".  Made my heart melt - how could a father not feel the most insane amount of pride at managing to be his son's hero?  I try my hardest to be the best Dad I can be, and kids being kids you don't always get the feedback you need to know you are doing a good job but when they come out with something like that well.... makes it all worthwhile!

What a difference a day makes

So yesterday I wrote about being in a rut effectively and not really having the chance to talk to people but in the space of a day from voicing the opinion, I have made the first steps I mentioned to sorting it out.

I have been injured and not able to play rugby for quite a while now (5 months give or take) and last night I went down to my rugby club whilst Granny kindly babysat for me to take part in the Monday night O2 Touch Rugby session.  This session plays closer to rugby league rather than union which I normally play - 6 tackles, rollback for a tackle, no scrums, relies on running lines and handling skills.  It also takes away ALL the contact areas from either code.  We have kids as young as 8 playing with us (and yes we let them score too) and folks as old as late 40s.  I am never fit enough to train with the first team and there is no such thing as a Veterans squad training session so this is what I use as my cardio and skills training each week.

The amount of people there that came up to me and said something along the lines of "Hey, you're back, wecome!" was amazing and made me remember why I chose this club to call my home, it's such a great atmosphere, such awesome people and it's never too high pressure to perform.  I felt the weight of lonliness simply fall away and I felt stronger, more confident and more my normal self, even if the last 10 minutes of the last game we played were in horrendous conditions (high wind, hail stinging every part of the body and bloody cold).

So I came home, had a bath to soothe the aches (didn't work too well I am aching today pretty badly but thats just due to lack of conditioning and not another injury thank goodness).  I then went online to start a conversation on a group I have joined.  I felt confident to set out my stall and say I wanted to talk to someone and why I wanted to talk, it felt easy to be open about how I feel and to be honest I am quite proud of myself.

I ended up having a long chat with someone and we have continued the discussion this morning while the little one was at school.  To actually have someone listen to me, and for me to feel comfortable enough to give them a warts and all recent life story and have them not run off screaming and then share their equivalent with me has done me the world of good.  I said I would post on how it was going so here I am, and I certainly hope this isn't just a lucky start and I continue to feel this good about myself at last.

Coping while ill

Heres another interesting topic that I would love to hear more from other lone parents about how they deal with it.  This last week I have been ill.  I won't go into gory detail but needless to say it has knocked me for six and I have really struggled to even get out of bed let alone do anything interesting with the kids, and to top it all off it is currently half term for the little ones.

So I had to fall back on the support network.  Having someone else here while the kids are up and about has helped a lot, kept the house straight for me and helped keep the kids entertained, and having a sleep over when I simply couldn't get out of bed because of the pain, and the rest of the time being slightly out of it on painkillers.

Now, I still have not recovered completely but I am well enough to do stuff again, and with only 3 days left of the holiday I am now rushing about trying to get all of the different things a parent does during half term, so I shall stop waffling and get the some food down the kids necks and take them over to the cinema.

How do you cope with an illness when you are on your own? Do you fall back onto the support network or just grin and bear it or do something completely different? Let me know.

Familiar situation

Well, I was a silly sausage (as my son sometimes calls me) this morning and completely forgot that I had agreed to visit the old dear this morning and put a fence panel back up for her and put some stuff in the loft.  I am rather glad I did forget now, because I had an interesting call from Social Services today and I am sure many other single parents, of both sexes, have been through this and I wanted to say what I thought about it.

So this call comes in and they say there have been allegations made.  Now, this is familiar territory for me as it has happened before.  They spend about five minutes on the phone detailing what has been alleged and I won't go into that, but they ask if they can come to the house for an inspection, which I agreed to, why not after all.  They said someone would be with me in around three quarters of an hour (so they wanted to see if they could make sure I didn't have time to do any housework or preparation).  Needless to say the poor worker apologised as soon as she came in because the allegations were obviously baseless, she was here for a whole five minutes after I insisted on giving her a tour of the house and then she was gone.

I have since had another phone call to apologise for the inconvenience it had caused me.  The way I see it, they haven't caused me any inconvenience, after all they have a duty to look into all allegations, they have spoken to the school who also confirmed other allegations made were also baseless.

So here is the point to this post.  Through all of the processes of getting custody of my kids, and everything they have been through during the separation a few years back up until now, the way I have approached everything has been for their benefit, I don't play games of one-upmanship or anything with their mother as that detriments the kids.  She however is trying her hardest to make it as difficult as possible for me, whilst not having the kids interests at heart (she can't even be bothered to pay child maintenance).  I wonder how many other parents see the same behaviour from the absent parent, and how they cope with it and if they have got past the point of the absent one playing games how they managed it.  Let me know :)

My son the geek.... I'm so proud

I have been a gamer for ..... longer than I care to admit.  I have mentioned before using my computer as a way of socialising when I can't go out of an evening and it has worn off on my son now as well.  He loves playing on the family xbox and laptop and doesn't watch tv, preferring to watch YouTube instead.

One of his greatest wishes for quite a while now has been to have his own YouTube channel and to emulate some of his favourite YouTubers playing some of his favourite games.  So today we have sat down and had a chat about me potentially going back to work, and the fact that this will limit the time we get together a little more than it has over the past couple of years.

One advantage of going back to work, aside from my own sanity at not feeling trapped at home and not contributing to society, is the fact that I will be able to afford some of the things we have been putting off for quite a long time as they are luxuries, so an xbox one, a new computer for him and me, giving him the laptop for school homework, and yes, finally sorting out the video capture kit and video camera for him to be able to do his vlogs and gaming videos.

So we have decided to make a channel specifically for us both gaming together - the way I see it is that we will have a record of our time together, he will get his wish of a YouTube channel and we can have a hell of a lot of fun doing it.

Now to just secure the job - kids are a wonderful motivator!

This pain won't seem to heal...

Rather a morbid title for today's post but there is good reason for it, and it's not all that morbid.  I play rugby as a means of getting my frustrations out.  Everyone bottles some aspects of their life up, has frustrations, needs an outlet.  I guess some people choose the gym, some go watch football, others do needlework, it takes all sorts.  For me its rugby and it always has been since I was a teenager.

I am the kind of person who gives it his all to everything I do.  I can't help but be driven to be the best I can be in anything I try.  In the context of rugby it doesn't mean I am in the first XV, in fact at my age and fitness level I play for the Veterans (3rd XV).  Now I try and keep fit, and yes I give everything to that as well, but the problem I have is that I get injured.  A lot.  I worked out recently that in the past 12 months I have been injured in one way or another for at least 10 of them.  I have had knee ligament damage, both ankles damaged, crazy problems with fingers, concussion, broken ribs, all in the name of my sport.

Now the issue that is the topic for today.  At the moment my problem is a small tear in my hamstring.  Not a massive issue but still enough to stop me playing.  I can cope with it pretty much without painkillers (ok I occasionally take some paracetamol when it gets really tight) and it doesn't stop me doing most things, just aware of it nagging me, constantly there.  Now, this happened about eight weeks ago when I was recovering from a knee problem - my leg has been compensating for my knee injury and it got too much for my hamstring,  The problem now is that it just won't seem to heal.  It will die down after a couple of weeks then I will end up having to do something that requires a little leg strength and ping there it goes again.  Even something as daft as playing with the kids has made it give before now.

I really want to get back to my rugby but there are 2 main points that are stopping me right now.  Firstly I am tired of coming back too soon from injury and ending up injuring myself straight away again, and secondly with spring coming soon I want to be able to run about in the garden with the kids which means I need to stop having this hamstring go pop on me.

Anyway - today has been a bit of a ramble but needless to say this is another avenue for releasing the frustration, same as rugby is.  Got any other ideas that don't end up with me heading to A&E every other Saturday afternoon? Let me know in the comments.

Support networks

So I write a post about how I get stuck at home all of the time (well, comparatively) and yet just a couple of days after I get invited out for a drink with a couple of friends.  This doesn't happen all too often as I made plainly clear before so I was damned if I was going to pass up on the opportunity, and hence this leads quite nicely on to the topic for today; support networks.

Having an effective support network around you is so important, as a parent generally I think, but even more so for a single parent.  I help out some of the other parents at school by picking up their kids and looking after them for a couple of hours here and there when they are working, and whilst the offer is always made to return the favour, I have very rarely taken them up on it.  Part of this is because most of the times I want to go out are when my daughter at least is in bed, if not both of them, however some of it is because I am very aware of changing the kids routine and asking them to stay somewhere different never goes well.

A long time ago, I lived around 100 miles away from family.  We came up every other weekend to see both sides of the family but we ended up moving back up to be close to them after a medical emergency which meant our closest support very kindly drove the 40 miles from where they lived to help us with the kids.  

So the kids routinely have a sleepover at their Granny's house nowadays.  They both love staying there (and get spoilt rotten!) and some of the time its just as a treat, and other occasions, like tonight, it is because I have been invited out.  One thing I make sure of is that I always tell the kids which way around it is.  If I am asking them if they want to stay over because I am going out and they say no, I stay in.  This doesn't happen very often but I like the kids knowing that they have the final say, perhaps that makes me a soft parent, perhaps not.

Either way, tonight I managed to get out and meet friends for the first time in ages, drank far too much coke (I was driving after all), and got home far too late.  In other words I had a wonderful time, and without my support network it wouldn't have happened.  

One thing to make sure of whenever you use your support network - it's a two way thing, always is and be mindful of their needs as much as your own.  Tomorrow as re-payment I am going to be putting Christmas decorations in the loft for the old dear as she struggles to do it herself.  This may not seem like a lot compared to having the kids stay over, but it is what she asked for in return so who am I to question her?