No-one plays forever

Last night I started a new adventure.  I feel a debt of gratitude to my rugby club, not only for making me feel welcome when I first turned up to play touch rugby a couple of years back and ever since, but for helping me keep my sanity through making me feel wanted, a valuable member of the squad, letting me push myself as a player and get that frustration and stress out on the field.

Ever since that first night I have felt like I wanted to give something back to the club and last summer that journey began when I chose to not only subscribe as a player but electing to pay a little extra to become a club vice president.  Last night the next step was taken, and with the injuries of the past year or so it has come at about the right time.  Last night I started down the path of becoming a qualified coach.

Now, in a room full of other new coaches, I was one of only 5 males which gives an enormous indication at how well Lichfield do at training the female side of the game, and in fact I believe everyone there (22 people) except me wanted to be either a mini-junior coach (mixed boy/girl) or age range girls coach.  My motivation was slightly different in this respect.  I want to help coach adults.  I want to be the person who when someone rocks up after 10-15 years of not playing, takes newcomers under their wing the way the Director of Rugby and veterans manager took me in and helped me.  Not often I could say that the person in charge of a national league side has time to spend half an hour on a Monday night after everyone else has gone home from touch, to help me hone my techniques in the scrum, lineout and ruck.  Those precious hours were invaluable to me (after all, as a veteran I am no where near fit enough to mix with the boys in the first team training sessions).

So was it done to me, so I shall pass it forward and do the same to others.  I can't play forever, but I can be involved.

My son the geek.... I'm so proud

I have been a gamer for ..... longer than I care to admit.  I have mentioned before using my computer as a way of socialising when I can't go out of an evening and it has worn off on my son now as well.  He loves playing on the family xbox and laptop and doesn't watch tv, preferring to watch YouTube instead.

One of his greatest wishes for quite a while now has been to have his own YouTube channel and to emulate some of his favourite YouTubers playing some of his favourite games.  So today we have sat down and had a chat about me potentially going back to work, and the fact that this will limit the time we get together a little more than it has over the past couple of years.

One advantage of going back to work, aside from my own sanity at not feeling trapped at home and not contributing to society, is the fact that I will be able to afford some of the things we have been putting off for quite a long time as they are luxuries, so an xbox one, a new computer for him and me, giving him the laptop for school homework, and yes, finally sorting out the video capture kit and video camera for him to be able to do his vlogs and gaming videos.

So we have decided to make a channel specifically for us both gaming together - the way I see it is that we will have a record of our time together, he will get his wish of a YouTube channel and we can have a hell of a lot of fun doing it.

Now to just secure the job - kids are a wonderful motivator!

Top 5 things the kids need

It's the weekend yay! What I have decided to do this weekend and see if I can carry it on going forward, is make a short list of stuff that I have found beneficial in some way when struggling or things I have learned.

So lets get right into it.  This week I will be doing the top 5 things that my kids need in terms of making them happy and content at home.

5) Rules: Everyone needs rules.  It may seem a little strange to start off the list with something which means that you have the need to discipline your kids but without rules they don't learn what is right and what is wrong.  I will admit to having been lax on occasion with the household rules and thats when the tantrums start and a child having a tantrum is not a happy child.  Discuss the rules with the kids, let them give you their opinion, have a little flexibility when you set them and listen to what they say and they are more likely to stick to them.

4) Fun: A boring Dad makes an unhappy child.  Having fun with the kids builds the bond between you, it may just be a tickle, dancing like a monkey in the kitchen, or building lego or playing computer games together.  I challenge any parent who is feeling down to play with their kids, its better than any anti-depressant drugs on the planet, a child's genuine laughter can brighten anyones day not least the child's.

3) Attention: Everyone needs attention, not just the kids, but making sure you find time for them no matter what you have on your plate makes for happier children.  With my kids I get one to one time with my daughter every afternoon while her brother is still in school, and then I get one to one time with my son every evening after his sister goes to bed.  This time is led by them, we can play together, read together, whatever they chose.

2) Routine: Keeping up a routine for the children means that they know what is coming, when it is coming and what they are doing.  The routine doesn't include behavioural management, but things like breakfast at the table as a family, going to school, which days you take them swimming, what time bed time is all come under this heading.  You can be flexible with some parts of the routine as a reward if you like, letting them stay up an extra half an hour on a Friday night because they have had a good week at school doesn't cost anything!

1) Consistency: I have a feeling, especially with my kids that this should always top the list.  Having consistent parenting, either just on your own or combined with the absent parent if they are also involved, means that the kids feel settled, they know where the boundaries are, and the more uncertainty you can remove from their life by having these boundaries the better for them.

Obviously there are plenty other things that help keep the children happy, do you agree with me in my list? What do you think is different? Comment below with your top 5.

Support networks

So I write a post about how I get stuck at home all of the time (well, comparatively) and yet just a couple of days after I get invited out for a drink with a couple of friends.  This doesn't happen all too often as I made plainly clear before so I was damned if I was going to pass up on the opportunity, and hence this leads quite nicely on to the topic for today; support networks.

Having an effective support network around you is so important, as a parent generally I think, but even more so for a single parent.  I help out some of the other parents at school by picking up their kids and looking after them for a couple of hours here and there when they are working, and whilst the offer is always made to return the favour, I have very rarely taken them up on it.  Part of this is because most of the times I want to go out are when my daughter at least is in bed, if not both of them, however some of it is because I am very aware of changing the kids routine and asking them to stay somewhere different never goes well.

A long time ago, I lived around 100 miles away from family.  We came up every other weekend to see both sides of the family but we ended up moving back up to be close to them after a medical emergency which meant our closest support very kindly drove the 40 miles from where they lived to help us with the kids.  

So the kids routinely have a sleepover at their Granny's house nowadays.  They both love staying there (and get spoilt rotten!) and some of the time its just as a treat, and other occasions, like tonight, it is because I have been invited out.  One thing I make sure of is that I always tell the kids which way around it is.  If I am asking them if they want to stay over because I am going out and they say no, I stay in.  This doesn't happen very often but I like the kids knowing that they have the final say, perhaps that makes me a soft parent, perhaps not.

Either way, tonight I managed to get out and meet friends for the first time in ages, drank far too much coke (I was driving after all), and got home far too late.  In other words I had a wonderful time, and without my support network it wouldn't have happened.  

One thing to make sure of whenever you use your support network - it's a two way thing, always is and be mindful of their needs as much as your own.  Tomorrow as re-payment I am going to be putting Christmas decorations in the loft for the old dear as she struggles to do it herself.  This may not seem like a lot compared to having the kids stay over, but it is what she asked for in return so who am I to question her?