Season over

I have posted before about coping with the little ones when injured - and I have gone and done it again.  An invitation went out last week for a Veterans tournament at the rugby club, a couple of short games about the same length we play in O2 Touch sessions but normal contact rules apply.  Seeing as I was maybe 80% fit from the last injury I agreed to play, whilst making the guys know full well I would have to be in the backs rather than the pack.

It started well - in O2 Touch I always end up playing on the wing, no idea why (although it probably has something to do with me needing to catch my breath a lot more than the kids who come to the sessions), so the manager put me on the wing again for the tournament.  I can't pass to my right very well at all, but because when I play in the pack I am a crash ball specialist it doesn't normally matter too much, but in the backs I had to go on the right wing to reduce the chance of me needing to lob the egg that way.

Now, back when I was a teenager I used to play for 2 teams, one juniors and one seniors.  For the juniors I played at outside centre, but with the seniors I was way smaller and younger than the rest of the team, and way faster so I was a winger for them and as soon as I stepped out onto the wing it all came back to me, and there were a lot of high balls to catch and run back.  It was under one of these that I managed to cripple myself yet again without the help of anyone else on either team.  A high ball went up, I caught it and almost fumbled it and that little bit of juggling cost me precious time.  I was being closed down rather quickly so I did a dive pass to get the ball to my full back to let him hoof it up field rather than have me try and find touch with my left boot.  As I hit the ground, stretched out, pass arcing gracefully (Ha!) towards the full back, something went crack.

I struggled on for another 10 mins or so but ended up not being able to run and with a rather painful feeling in my lower back and hamstrings.  I came home after the matches, took painkillers and manned up, going to a gig the Saturday night with the camera and being a dirty stop out.

Fast forward to Tuesday.  I am supposed to be going out with a friend to celebrate his birthday but I am in agony.  I booked a docs appointment and cancelled (although we should be going out tonight instead if I can find a babysitter!).  I go to the docs Wednesday morning only to be told my season is well and truly over.  I have played only 4 games for my club this season and there won't be any more added to that total.  I managed to damage the soft tissue around the base of my spine and the swelling has pinched a couple of nerves so painkillers, anti-inflammatory meds and rest.  Til Preseason starts anyhow! 

Charity begins at home

Well Superhero and Spies day as the kids called it (Comic Relief) has been and gone and I must admit I was quite interested to see what cosplay creations there would be in the school playground.  I didn't go to any of the local supermarkets to see what costumes were available there, although I vaguely remember seeing a couple a while back in our local Sainsbury's.  In a previous post I said about what the kids wanted to go as and I very much doubt that Green Lantern has anywhere near the popularity needed for major chains to stock the merchandise.

It started off well enough - minor alterations were needed to the Green Lantern costume to make it fit a little better but considering the responsibility for looking after all of the parts of the costume (suit, mask and cheap tacky ring of power) fell to my lad, all of it was found, in working order (which is a minor miracle in this house sometimes).  The Princess Anna dress was clean and ready, I had already laid out some other things for my little lass to wear underneath because even though it was a floor length dress, I wanted to make sure she was still warm enough, and the kids were bouncing off the walls with excitement.

Now, whilst I really enjoy cosplay and the kids love dressing up too there is a much more serious message with the whole charity thing.  In one job I had a few years back we were encouraged to support the company's chosen charity and I used to run for them, I am by no means a runner and by no means a fundraiser but over the time I worked there I raised around £1000 - and also donated to my colleagues as well.  Explaining to a 3 year old is challenging but I think my 9 year old son understood the concept how I understood it for the theme; you ARE a superhero just by helping those less fortunate than yourself, regardless of whether you wear a costume or not.  So serious note done, it was time for a little photoshoot, as is a father's perogative!

So seeing the kids to school all dressed up was pretty cool, and as a bit of a comic book geek I was really interested to see who won out of Marvel and DC - and whilst it was close, it was a win for DC just about.  The main costumes were the obvious candidates, there was an entire clone army of Ironmen, Spidermen and Supergirls, and to be fair not a lot else! Certainly not another Green Lantern, and whilst there were some Queen Elsa costumes, I didn't see another Princess Anna either.

Simple pleasures

Today my little one has had a friend over to play.  I often help out his parents by having him after nursery for a while when they are at work, and they both play together brilliantly.  I picked up a digital SLR camera the other day and so I thought I would take them both down a local country park and see what the camera could do.

Needless to say the kids played the whole time, and I think I took far too many photos, but the plan is to learn how to use the G.I.M.P. image editing software as well so I can keep some great memories of the kids - and seeing as how I don't work, it makes for easy gifts if I can make little photo keepsakes for friends and family birthdays while I am at it.

I have also been booking tickets to gigs.  One of the best things about enjoying the unsigned music scene is that the shows are cheap to go to and there is a real community who turn up at a lot of the same shows that I do.  It doesn't seem to matter whether its a gig in Leicester, Wolverhampton, Birmingham or even further afield, there is a good bunch who attends whatever they can when they can.  One of the bands I am seeing this weekend is a band I used to play for a couple of years ago, and seeing as I have the camera, and going to the gig, I have offered to take some photos for the band for promo use (again assuming I can work out the imaging software).  One of the photographers I have seen at loads of local gigs has kindly given me advice and answered my questions, and the promoters have been great for giving me permission to take photos and want copies if possible, so thanks Tony from Stage dive photography and Matt from Mayhem Promotions for your help and support!

Busy, busy, busy

This weekend has been mighty busy as I still try and work out the right balance between time for the kids and time for myself.  With the confidence I have found recently I actually got invited out a couple of times as had the means to say yes, thanks to a very kind old dear babysitting for me.  Friday was the first time in I think a year that I was able to go out and have a couple of drinks.  I can say for sure I can't hold it like I used to, but I still know my limits and a friend of mine was very kind to me and kept me busy on the text front while I was having mild panics because I didn't really know many people at the bar we were at.  Yes I was probably being very antisocial but I was still interacting with people so I felt good.

Saturday I woke up with the inevitable bad head and struggled a little but still managed to do what is a Saturday tradition for us and take the kids down to the local swimming pool for an hour or so.  I am not pushing them into doing badges or learning, they do that with their Mother I believe so our sessions are all about having a bit of fun as a family.

Cue Saturday night and I do my best to keep off the phone but the occasional glance kept reassuring me with words of encouragement again, but this time we headed down to a rock bar I haven't been in since I was at university (quite a while ago!).  Not a single thing has changed I don't think!  I was introduced to a fair few people and bumped into some of the ones I had met on Friday night too, reaffirming the whole atmosphere of community which I have been looking for.  Again the beer was flowing so I was having some very strange conversations, including one with a random chap called Thomas who worked in marketing promoting animal rights who confessed to me he felt really bad about his job sometimes because he loved a bacon sandwich.  I also bumped into one or two folks I haven't seen in a couple of years from back when I was in the band scene as a band member and not just a fan - including one of the guys from an excellent band who's farewell gig was the first one I took my brother to a few years back.

So I was actually quite careful on Saturday night and didn't drink myself into a torpor, knowing I would be driving on Sunday (hence looking relatively sober in the photo).  Sunday was a big day for me.  A rite of passage as you will.

My son has come and watched me play rugby a fair few times, and also come to watch Lichfield play when I have been injured but Sunday was something a little more special, I took him to his first Premiership rugby match for Wasps vs Saracens in Coventry.  We got there good and early and had enough time to kit him out in a Wasps hoodie and cap which he chose himself and while my family contributed towards (club gear can be rather expensive!) and we duly took up our place in the stadium, only to be sat in front of the chap called Matt that I was talking to at the Wasps vs Gloucester game the week before.  I can see a theme starting here eh?  I want to show my lad that talking to people and making friends, whilst pretty difficult for me at least, is a good thing to do so I introduced him and he was impeccably behaved throughout, chanting along with the calls for Wasps, asking the right kind of questions ("What's that penalty for?") and then he came up with a couple of really good questions.  He asked me who my favourite rugby player is, so I told him its James Haskell who plays for Wasps in the same position that I like to think of as my normal spot on the back row.

Photo from BBC Sport

I then got asked to point him out, but unfortunately he wasn't playing yesterday because he is part of the England setup.  Little did I realise but the little man was on a mission so he persisted by asking who was my favourite player on the pitch.  I don't think he was expecting me to name a Saracen but I did - Jaques Burger who is a lion of a man who plays with such passion and heart that even though he tackles with his face sometimes, it is always clear he is having the time of his life each game.

Photo from talkingrugbyunion.co.uk

  What the little dude did next gave me such a glow.  He turns to look at me and says "Dad, you are my favourite rugby player".  Made my heart melt - how could a father not feel the most insane amount of pride at managing to be his son's hero?  I try my hardest to be the best Dad I can be, and kids being kids you don't always get the feedback you need to know you are doing a good job but when they come out with something like that well.... makes it all worthwhile!

Superheroes and Disney Princesses

So it's world book day this week apparently and the school my little ones go to is having a day in fancy dress to mark the occasion.  As far as I can gather, this is pretty much the same as most schools and not just some one-off that only the kids school is doing.  The theme that was chosen was superheroes and after talking with the kids we have managed to get everything sorted.

Let's spend a minute to put some context here.  I cosplay.  I go to comic conventions dressed up as some character or other.  I have been as Green Lantern, Wolverine, Marv from Sin City and I am building others all of the time.

Now my lad is prone to a little hero worship on occasion (and who doesn't love that just a little bit, come on, admit it!) and so during the discussion about what he wanted to go as (considering he already has Spiderman and Batman costumes because he is male) he said "I want to be like Dad".  I asked him what he meant by this and he said he wanted to go as one of the characters I had cosplayed.  We talked more and I decided that sending him into school with fake knives between his fingers and a cigar wouldn't really set a good example of parenting we ended up with Green Lantern.  Ebay has duly delivered and my lad is now the proud owner of a miniature version of my Green Lantern costume, complete with mask and ring of power, the only real difference apart from size is mine lights up around the chest motif with LEDs.

That was pretty straight forward to be perfectly honest.  Now came what I thought would be the tricky part.  Far too many heroines are way too sexualised in my eyes to have a 3 year old girl dress up as them.  I don't think it is appropriate, and whilst I can really admire some of the costumes (like my friends from LittleBlondeGoth cosplay, barbarian below is one of theirs), I can't agree with a child wearing something like that.

So what female superheroes are there that don't wear skin tight spandex or a chain mail bikini or similar? Searching within my own ability as a costume maker found basically nothing.  Searching on Ebay found basically nothing.  As comic book heroes and therefore most superheroes have a market that is predominately male, it is very difficult to find anything that isn't of the nature that is meant to hook into the male psyke and make you buy more comic books.

We decided to cheat instead.  Whilst strictly not a superhero, my little lass will be going to school as a cartoon character who is the main protagonist of a major film and a well known character.  She is going as Anna from Disney's Frozen.  With her being blonde I guess I could have got her dressed up as Elsa instead but she was given the choice and she said Anna (which is awesome because I had given her an Anna ballgown dress for Christmas!).

So there we have it - the school did send out a message saying please don't feel you have to buy costumes etc but there is the matter of pride (especially when you are known at school as a cosplayer), and I couldn't let the kids get ridiculed for going in a substandard costume or no costume at all.

Well, that was unexpected

It worked! It actually worked.  I have to admit that until about 5 minutes before kick off at the rugby match yesterday I thought I was going to get an entire row to myself but then these chaps came in and somehow the ticket I booked was right in the middle of where they were sat so I was splitting them up.  Knowing what my plan for the afternoon was (aside from watching Wasps vs Gloucester - was a great game!), I swallowed the nerves and offered to switch with the chap on the end so they could all sit together.  They duly accepted and for the first half pretty much talked between themselves and shouted at Wayne Barnes the ref.

They were getting onto the finer points of contesting a breakdown towards the end of the first half so I just bit the bullet and leaned in and offered my insight - cue a conversation! Yay go me!  I ended up chatting with this bloke called Matt who had an affiliation to Coventry rugby club for most of the second half while we were watching and he was a cracking chap.  I won't bore you with all of the details, after all it was pretty much all based on rugby and the various injuries sustained playing the sport we both love, but at the end as they were about the head to the fan village to watch the England match he said something that I don't think he realised meant a hell of a lot to me.  He said him and his friends are season ticket holders and that the seats they have are the seats they will be in every home match, if I wanted, why not book the same seat for myself and we can meet up next time I am down.  Needless to say after getting home I booked tickets for my son and I to go and watch the game against Saracens this weekend.

Now this meeting and a couple of other things that have gone on during the past couple of days have made me realise that a lot of the problems I am facing are because of things that have happened to me in the past which makes it difficult for me to form meaningful friendships and relationships.  So I have decided that it is best for the kids if Dad isn't a complete loner who doesn't really talk to anyone, but I need help getting the confidence that I used to have back.  I have been stuck in this rut for too long and so I am spending this morning finding out what support services are on offer locally and getting back to who I was before this dip.  It's not just for the kids, its for me, and it's for someone else too who's wise advice and genuine honesty telling me I need to get my shit together has helped me make this decision - you know who you are so I want to say "Thank You!".

Edit: Well I got some bad news today - very bad news and I am gutted but I can't really dwell on it, just have to move forward and get back to being myself.

See, it's not all easy

I think I lucked out a little bit before and was full of enthusiasm so the past couple of days I tried a couple of different things - coffee down the town for one.  What struck me was the sheer number of the stereotypical 'moms going for coffee' after the school run.  I felt the confidence that my first day trying had granted me sliding away to the point of staring down at my coffee until I had finished, feeling rather embarrassed at being alone.

The kids are away this weekend so I have planned to go out to a couple of places and do something an old friend and I used to do when I was at university.  We would make a random friend every time we went out, quite on purpose.  No, we didn't spend all night chatting up young ladies, it was men, women, anyone.  I distinctly remember two of these episodes - the first was a chap from Leicester, he repaired fruit machines for a living and he was good fun, nice to chat to and stayed with us the rest of the evening.  The second was a small group of people, they were sat on some leather sofas in one of the bars we used to go to so my friend and I sat opposite them as the seat was free and started conversation.  We ended up heading off to a rock club as a big group and its probably the only time I have really let my hair down on the dance floor.

Needless to say these experiences are probably a little out of reach nowadays.  I would be happy with just feeling like I could start a conversation but it appears to elude me at the moment.

I am also planning on doing something else this weekend that I have never done before, much to my chagrin.  I am headed over to Coventry on Sunday to watch Wasps play my lad's home team, Gloucester in the Aviva Premiership.  Can't really call yourself a rugby fan if you don't go to watch the team you like eh?  Straight after that match the England match is being shown in the fan village so if I manage to strike out with having a conversation in that kind of setting I need shooting!

Here's to a better weekend.

What a difference a day makes

So yesterday I wrote about being in a rut effectively and not really having the chance to talk to people but in the space of a day from voicing the opinion, I have made the first steps I mentioned to sorting it out.

I have been injured and not able to play rugby for quite a while now (5 months give or take) and last night I went down to my rugby club whilst Granny kindly babysat for me to take part in the Monday night O2 Touch Rugby session.  This session plays closer to rugby league rather than union which I normally play - 6 tackles, rollback for a tackle, no scrums, relies on running lines and handling skills.  It also takes away ALL the contact areas from either code.  We have kids as young as 8 playing with us (and yes we let them score too) and folks as old as late 40s.  I am never fit enough to train with the first team and there is no such thing as a Veterans squad training session so this is what I use as my cardio and skills training each week.

The amount of people there that came up to me and said something along the lines of "Hey, you're back, wecome!" was amazing and made me remember why I chose this club to call my home, it's such a great atmosphere, such awesome people and it's never too high pressure to perform.  I felt the weight of lonliness simply fall away and I felt stronger, more confident and more my normal self, even if the last 10 minutes of the last game we played were in horrendous conditions (high wind, hail stinging every part of the body and bloody cold).

So I came home, had a bath to soothe the aches (didn't work too well I am aching today pretty badly but thats just due to lack of conditioning and not another injury thank goodness).  I then went online to start a conversation on a group I have joined.  I felt confident to set out my stall and say I wanted to talk to someone and why I wanted to talk, it felt easy to be open about how I feel and to be honest I am quite proud of myself.

I ended up having a long chat with someone and we have continued the discussion this morning while the little one was at school.  To actually have someone listen to me, and for me to feel comfortable enough to give them a warts and all recent life story and have them not run off screaming and then share their equivalent with me has done me the world of good.  I said I would post on how it was going so here I am, and I certainly hope this isn't just a lucky start and I continue to feel this good about myself at last.

Lonliest job of all?

I have to say, with me being a little bit of a social recluse, that the role of the single parent is certainly a lonely one.  I can go for quite a long time it seems without any meaningful offline adult contact and that is making the pitiful social skills even worse.

Today I have decided that there isn't going to be anyone who will just come and save me while I am not working, no office banter, no invites to coffee in the morning from the Mums at school, and I certainly don't feel any where near confident enough to ask any of those over for fear of it being misconstrued (perhaps that's why they don't as either).

Now there are plenty of options available and I am going to spend the next couple of weeks looking into them and seeing what works for me, and what doesn't.  I am after a few new friends, people to talk to during the day and maybe who might pop over of an evening but certainly not a new partner or anything like that.  I'm not a drinker so I don't go down the pub therefore that's not an option (certainly would never drink during the day!).

The types of things I have been thinking of is:

• Start going for coffee after the school run and see who the regulars are
• Get down the rugby club more often and find new friends there
• Limiting the online presence so I don't have an excuse to go and find friends offline
• Maybe start volunteering somewhere just to meet new people

Have experience of beating the lonliness associated with single parenting? Let me know.

No-one plays forever

Last night I started a new adventure.  I feel a debt of gratitude to my rugby club, not only for making me feel welcome when I first turned up to play touch rugby a couple of years back and ever since, but for helping me keep my sanity through making me feel wanted, a valuable member of the squad, letting me push myself as a player and get that frustration and stress out on the field.

Ever since that first night I have felt like I wanted to give something back to the club and last summer that journey began when I chose to not only subscribe as a player but electing to pay a little extra to become a club vice president.  Last night the next step was taken, and with the injuries of the past year or so it has come at about the right time.  Last night I started down the path of becoming a qualified coach.

Now, in a room full of other new coaches, I was one of only 5 males which gives an enormous indication at how well Lichfield do at training the female side of the game, and in fact I believe everyone there (22 people) except me wanted to be either a mini-junior coach (mixed boy/girl) or age range girls coach.  My motivation was slightly different in this respect.  I want to help coach adults.  I want to be the person who when someone rocks up after 10-15 years of not playing, takes newcomers under their wing the way the Director of Rugby and veterans manager took me in and helped me.  Not often I could say that the person in charge of a national league side has time to spend half an hour on a Monday night after everyone else has gone home from touch, to help me hone my techniques in the scrum, lineout and ruck.  Those precious hours were invaluable to me (after all, as a veteran I am no where near fit enough to mix with the boys in the first team training sessions).

So was it done to me, so I shall pass it forward and do the same to others.  I can't play forever, but I can be involved.

My son the geek.... I'm so proud

I have been a gamer for ..... longer than I care to admit.  I have mentioned before using my computer as a way of socialising when I can't go out of an evening and it has worn off on my son now as well.  He loves playing on the family xbox and laptop and doesn't watch tv, preferring to watch YouTube instead.

One of his greatest wishes for quite a while now has been to have his own YouTube channel and to emulate some of his favourite YouTubers playing some of his favourite games.  So today we have sat down and had a chat about me potentially going back to work, and the fact that this will limit the time we get together a little more than it has over the past couple of years.

One advantage of going back to work, aside from my own sanity at not feeling trapped at home and not contributing to society, is the fact that I will be able to afford some of the things we have been putting off for quite a long time as they are luxuries, so an xbox one, a new computer for him and me, giving him the laptop for school homework, and yes, finally sorting out the video capture kit and video camera for him to be able to do his vlogs and gaming videos.

So we have decided to make a channel specifically for us both gaming together - the way I see it is that we will have a record of our time together, he will get his wish of a YouTube channel and we can have a hell of a lot of fun doing it.

Now to just secure the job - kids are a wonderful motivator!

Always in on an evening

One of the things I have struggled with since leaving work is the fact that I can't really go out of an evening to see friends, go to events, can't even go to rugby training.  I realise a lot of folks are in this position too and they all cope with it in different ways, but I will share mine with you.

Ever since I was a kid of around six years old, I have been a keen gamer.  Obviously with the internet not really being available in the mid 80s I played offline, dabbled in programming, and went to friends houses to play offline with them too.  This changed in the early 90s to taking my very basic PC or Atari ST to a friends house and hooking the two machines up over a null modem cable to play multiplayer.

Then came the internet. Oh My God.  I started off on dial-up, went through ISDN and eventually onto ADSL and initially I was playing first person shooters like Unreal Tournament, but when I left university I wanted to keep in touch with friends I had made there and it was the dawn of the MMO era so I started playing World of Warcraft, Eve Online and EverQuest 2.  Over the years WoW and Eve have fallen by the wayside but I still play EQ2 almost daily after 10 years.

So back on topic - how does me being a gamer help me with the social exclusion that being a single father gives?  Well instead of going to the pub to see friends, or going round someone's house and having babysitter costs or just being completely isolated, Norrath (the world in which EQ2 is set in) is my neighbourhood, the guild (team) I belong to is my local pub, I meet my friends there who are all likeminded and we spend as much time chatting, messing around, having a laugh as we do actually playing.

So, occasionally I record some of the gameplay - more for prosterity I guess than anything else, and I did so last night when we went on an organised raid (difficult encounters meant for up to 24 people playing as a team).  I realise my editing skills are basically non-existant but still, take a look.

I play on an i3 laptop so my framerate is terrible, and the screen is VERY cramped but I get by - its worth the small problems to be able to meet and talk with my friends and make me feel part of a community, not some lonely bloke rotting away in the confines of his own house.

How do other single parents deal with the same dilemma on the evenings? Leave a comment and let me know.