Superheroes and Disney Princesses

So it's world book day this week apparently and the school my little ones go to is having a day in fancy dress to mark the occasion.  As far as I can gather, this is pretty much the same as most schools and not just some one-off that only the kids school is doing.  The theme that was chosen was superheroes and after talking with the kids we have managed to get everything sorted.

Let's spend a minute to put some context here.  I cosplay.  I go to comic conventions dressed up as some character or other.  I have been as Green Lantern, Wolverine, Marv from Sin City and I am building others all of the time.

Now my lad is prone to a little hero worship on occasion (and who doesn't love that just a little bit, come on, admit it!) and so during the discussion about what he wanted to go as (considering he already has Spiderman and Batman costumes because he is male) he said "I want to be like Dad".  I asked him what he meant by this and he said he wanted to go as one of the characters I had cosplayed.  We talked more and I decided that sending him into school with fake knives between his fingers and a cigar wouldn't really set a good example of parenting we ended up with Green Lantern.  Ebay has duly delivered and my lad is now the proud owner of a miniature version of my Green Lantern costume, complete with mask and ring of power, the only real difference apart from size is mine lights up around the chest motif with LEDs.

That was pretty straight forward to be perfectly honest.  Now came what I thought would be the tricky part.  Far too many heroines are way too sexualised in my eyes to have a 3 year old girl dress up as them.  I don't think it is appropriate, and whilst I can really admire some of the costumes (like my friends from LittleBlondeGoth cosplay, barbarian below is one of theirs), I can't agree with a child wearing something like that.

So what female superheroes are there that don't wear skin tight spandex or a chain mail bikini or similar? Searching within my own ability as a costume maker found basically nothing.  Searching on Ebay found basically nothing.  As comic book heroes and therefore most superheroes have a market that is predominately male, it is very difficult to find anything that isn't of the nature that is meant to hook into the male psyke and make you buy more comic books.

We decided to cheat instead.  Whilst strictly not a superhero, my little lass will be going to school as a cartoon character who is the main protagonist of a major film and a well known character.  She is going as Anna from Disney's Frozen.  With her being blonde I guess I could have got her dressed up as Elsa instead but she was given the choice and she said Anna (which is awesome because I had given her an Anna ballgown dress for Christmas!).

So there we have it - the school did send out a message saying please don't feel you have to buy costumes etc but there is the matter of pride (especially when you are known at school as a cosplayer), and I couldn't let the kids get ridiculed for going in a substandard costume or no costume at all.

Well, that was unexpected

It worked! It actually worked.  I have to admit that until about 5 minutes before kick off at the rugby match yesterday I thought I was going to get an entire row to myself but then these chaps came in and somehow the ticket I booked was right in the middle of where they were sat so I was splitting them up.  Knowing what my plan for the afternoon was (aside from watching Wasps vs Gloucester - was a great game!), I swallowed the nerves and offered to switch with the chap on the end so they could all sit together.  They duly accepted and for the first half pretty much talked between themselves and shouted at Wayne Barnes the ref.

They were getting onto the finer points of contesting a breakdown towards the end of the first half so I just bit the bullet and leaned in and offered my insight - cue a conversation! Yay go me!  I ended up chatting with this bloke called Matt who had an affiliation to Coventry rugby club for most of the second half while we were watching and he was a cracking chap.  I won't bore you with all of the details, after all it was pretty much all based on rugby and the various injuries sustained playing the sport we both love, but at the end as they were about the head to the fan village to watch the England match he said something that I don't think he realised meant a hell of a lot to me.  He said him and his friends are season ticket holders and that the seats they have are the seats they will be in every home match, if I wanted, why not book the same seat for myself and we can meet up next time I am down.  Needless to say after getting home I booked tickets for my son and I to go and watch the game against Saracens this weekend.

Now this meeting and a couple of other things that have gone on during the past couple of days have made me realise that a lot of the problems I am facing are because of things that have happened to me in the past which makes it difficult for me to form meaningful friendships and relationships.  So I have decided that it is best for the kids if Dad isn't a complete loner who doesn't really talk to anyone, but I need help getting the confidence that I used to have back.  I have been stuck in this rut for too long and so I am spending this morning finding out what support services are on offer locally and getting back to who I was before this dip.  It's not just for the kids, its for me, and it's for someone else too who's wise advice and genuine honesty telling me I need to get my shit together has helped me make this decision - you know who you are so I want to say "Thank You!".

Edit: Well I got some bad news today - very bad news and I am gutted but I can't really dwell on it, just have to move forward and get back to being myself.

Familiar situation

Well, I was a silly sausage (as my son sometimes calls me) this morning and completely forgot that I had agreed to visit the old dear this morning and put a fence panel back up for her and put some stuff in the loft.  I am rather glad I did forget now, because I had an interesting call from Social Services today and I am sure many other single parents, of both sexes, have been through this and I wanted to say what I thought about it.

So this call comes in and they say there have been allegations made.  Now, this is familiar territory for me as it has happened before.  They spend about five minutes on the phone detailing what has been alleged and I won't go into that, but they ask if they can come to the house for an inspection, which I agreed to, why not after all.  They said someone would be with me in around three quarters of an hour (so they wanted to see if they could make sure I didn't have time to do any housework or preparation).  Needless to say the poor worker apologised as soon as she came in because the allegations were obviously baseless, she was here for a whole five minutes after I insisted on giving her a tour of the house and then she was gone.

I have since had another phone call to apologise for the inconvenience it had caused me.  The way I see it, they haven't caused me any inconvenience, after all they have a duty to look into all allegations, they have spoken to the school who also confirmed other allegations made were also baseless.

So here is the point to this post.  Through all of the processes of getting custody of my kids, and everything they have been through during the separation a few years back up until now, the way I have approached everything has been for their benefit, I don't play games of one-upmanship or anything with their mother as that detriments the kids.  She however is trying her hardest to make it as difficult as possible for me, whilst not having the kids interests at heart (she can't even be bothered to pay child maintenance).  I wonder how many other parents see the same behaviour from the absent parent, and how they cope with it and if they have got past the point of the absent one playing games how they managed it.  Let me know :)

Top 5 things the kids need

It's the weekend yay! What I have decided to do this weekend and see if I can carry it on going forward, is make a short list of stuff that I have found beneficial in some way when struggling or things I have learned.

So lets get right into it.  This week I will be doing the top 5 things that my kids need in terms of making them happy and content at home.

5) Rules: Everyone needs rules.  It may seem a little strange to start off the list with something which means that you have the need to discipline your kids but without rules they don't learn what is right and what is wrong.  I will admit to having been lax on occasion with the household rules and thats when the tantrums start and a child having a tantrum is not a happy child.  Discuss the rules with the kids, let them give you their opinion, have a little flexibility when you set them and listen to what they say and they are more likely to stick to them.

4) Fun: A boring Dad makes an unhappy child.  Having fun with the kids builds the bond between you, it may just be a tickle, dancing like a monkey in the kitchen, or building lego or playing computer games together.  I challenge any parent who is feeling down to play with their kids, its better than any anti-depressant drugs on the planet, a child's genuine laughter can brighten anyones day not least the child's.

3) Attention: Everyone needs attention, not just the kids, but making sure you find time for them no matter what you have on your plate makes for happier children.  With my kids I get one to one time with my daughter every afternoon while her brother is still in school, and then I get one to one time with my son every evening after his sister goes to bed.  This time is led by them, we can play together, read together, whatever they chose.

2) Routine: Keeping up a routine for the children means that they know what is coming, when it is coming and what they are doing.  The routine doesn't include behavioural management, but things like breakfast at the table as a family, going to school, which days you take them swimming, what time bed time is all come under this heading.  You can be flexible with some parts of the routine as a reward if you like, letting them stay up an extra half an hour on a Friday night because they have had a good week at school doesn't cost anything!

1) Consistency: I have a feeling, especially with my kids that this should always top the list.  Having consistent parenting, either just on your own or combined with the absent parent if they are also involved, means that the kids feel settled, they know where the boundaries are, and the more uncertainty you can remove from their life by having these boundaries the better for them.

Obviously there are plenty other things that help keep the children happy, do you agree with me in my list? What do you think is different? Comment below with your top 5.