Charity begins at home

Well Superhero and Spies day as the kids called it (Comic Relief) has been and gone and I must admit I was quite interested to see what cosplay creations there would be in the school playground.  I didn't go to any of the local supermarkets to see what costumes were available there, although I vaguely remember seeing a couple a while back in our local Sainsbury's.  In a previous post I said about what the kids wanted to go as and I very much doubt that Green Lantern has anywhere near the popularity needed for major chains to stock the merchandise.

It started off well enough - minor alterations were needed to the Green Lantern costume to make it fit a little better but considering the responsibility for looking after all of the parts of the costume (suit, mask and cheap tacky ring of power) fell to my lad, all of it was found, in working order (which is a minor miracle in this house sometimes).  The Princess Anna dress was clean and ready, I had already laid out some other things for my little lass to wear underneath because even though it was a floor length dress, I wanted to make sure she was still warm enough, and the kids were bouncing off the walls with excitement.

Now, whilst I really enjoy cosplay and the kids love dressing up too there is a much more serious message with the whole charity thing.  In one job I had a few years back we were encouraged to support the company's chosen charity and I used to run for them, I am by no means a runner and by no means a fundraiser but over the time I worked there I raised around £1000 - and also donated to my colleagues as well.  Explaining to a 3 year old is challenging but I think my 9 year old son understood the concept how I understood it for the theme; you ARE a superhero just by helping those less fortunate than yourself, regardless of whether you wear a costume or not.  So serious note done, it was time for a little photoshoot, as is a father's perogative!

So seeing the kids to school all dressed up was pretty cool, and as a bit of a comic book geek I was really interested to see who won out of Marvel and DC - and whilst it was close, it was a win for DC just about.  The main costumes were the obvious candidates, there was an entire clone army of Ironmen, Spidermen and Supergirls, and to be fair not a lot else! Certainly not another Green Lantern, and whilst there were some Queen Elsa costumes, I didn't see another Princess Anna either.

Simple pleasures

Today my little one has had a friend over to play.  I often help out his parents by having him after nursery for a while when they are at work, and they both play together brilliantly.  I picked up a digital SLR camera the other day and so I thought I would take them both down a local country park and see what the camera could do.

Needless to say the kids played the whole time, and I think I took far too many photos, but the plan is to learn how to use the G.I.M.P. image editing software as well so I can keep some great memories of the kids - and seeing as how I don't work, it makes for easy gifts if I can make little photo keepsakes for friends and family birthdays while I am at it.

I have also been booking tickets to gigs.  One of the best things about enjoying the unsigned music scene is that the shows are cheap to go to and there is a real community who turn up at a lot of the same shows that I do.  It doesn't seem to matter whether its a gig in Leicester, Wolverhampton, Birmingham or even further afield, there is a good bunch who attends whatever they can when they can.  One of the bands I am seeing this weekend is a band I used to play for a couple of years ago, and seeing as I have the camera, and going to the gig, I have offered to take some photos for the band for promo use (again assuming I can work out the imaging software).  One of the photographers I have seen at loads of local gigs has kindly given me advice and answered my questions, and the promoters have been great for giving me permission to take photos and want copies if possible, so thanks Tony from Stage dive photography and Matt from Mayhem Promotions for your help and support!

Busy, busy, busy

This weekend has been mighty busy as I still try and work out the right balance between time for the kids and time for myself.  With the confidence I have found recently I actually got invited out a couple of times as had the means to say yes, thanks to a very kind old dear babysitting for me.  Friday was the first time in I think a year that I was able to go out and have a couple of drinks.  I can say for sure I can't hold it like I used to, but I still know my limits and a friend of mine was very kind to me and kept me busy on the text front while I was having mild panics because I didn't really know many people at the bar we were at.  Yes I was probably being very antisocial but I was still interacting with people so I felt good.

Saturday I woke up with the inevitable bad head and struggled a little but still managed to do what is a Saturday tradition for us and take the kids down to the local swimming pool for an hour or so.  I am not pushing them into doing badges or learning, they do that with their Mother I believe so our sessions are all about having a bit of fun as a family.

Cue Saturday night and I do my best to keep off the phone but the occasional glance kept reassuring me with words of encouragement again, but this time we headed down to a rock bar I haven't been in since I was at university (quite a while ago!).  Not a single thing has changed I don't think!  I was introduced to a fair few people and bumped into some of the ones I had met on Friday night too, reaffirming the whole atmosphere of community which I have been looking for.  Again the beer was flowing so I was having some very strange conversations, including one with a random chap called Thomas who worked in marketing promoting animal rights who confessed to me he felt really bad about his job sometimes because he loved a bacon sandwich.  I also bumped into one or two folks I haven't seen in a couple of years from back when I was in the band scene as a band member and not just a fan - including one of the guys from an excellent band who's farewell gig was the first one I took my brother to a few years back.

So I was actually quite careful on Saturday night and didn't drink myself into a torpor, knowing I would be driving on Sunday (hence looking relatively sober in the photo).  Sunday was a big day for me.  A rite of passage as you will.

My son has come and watched me play rugby a fair few times, and also come to watch Lichfield play when I have been injured but Sunday was something a little more special, I took him to his first Premiership rugby match for Wasps vs Saracens in Coventry.  We got there good and early and had enough time to kit him out in a Wasps hoodie and cap which he chose himself and while my family contributed towards (club gear can be rather expensive!) and we duly took up our place in the stadium, only to be sat in front of the chap called Matt that I was talking to at the Wasps vs Gloucester game the week before.  I can see a theme starting here eh?  I want to show my lad that talking to people and making friends, whilst pretty difficult for me at least, is a good thing to do so I introduced him and he was impeccably behaved throughout, chanting along with the calls for Wasps, asking the right kind of questions ("What's that penalty for?") and then he came up with a couple of really good questions.  He asked me who my favourite rugby player is, so I told him its James Haskell who plays for Wasps in the same position that I like to think of as my normal spot on the back row.

Photo from BBC Sport

I then got asked to point him out, but unfortunately he wasn't playing yesterday because he is part of the England setup.  Little did I realise but the little man was on a mission so he persisted by asking who was my favourite player on the pitch.  I don't think he was expecting me to name a Saracen but I did - Jaques Burger who is a lion of a man who plays with such passion and heart that even though he tackles with his face sometimes, it is always clear he is having the time of his life each game.

Photo from talkingrugbyunion.co.uk

  What the little dude did next gave me such a glow.  He turns to look at me and says "Dad, you are my favourite rugby player".  Made my heart melt - how could a father not feel the most insane amount of pride at managing to be his son's hero?  I try my hardest to be the best Dad I can be, and kids being kids you don't always get the feedback you need to know you are doing a good job but when they come out with something like that well.... makes it all worthwhile!

Well, that was unexpected

It worked! It actually worked.  I have to admit that until about 5 minutes before kick off at the rugby match yesterday I thought I was going to get an entire row to myself but then these chaps came in and somehow the ticket I booked was right in the middle of where they were sat so I was splitting them up.  Knowing what my plan for the afternoon was (aside from watching Wasps vs Gloucester - was a great game!), I swallowed the nerves and offered to switch with the chap on the end so they could all sit together.  They duly accepted and for the first half pretty much talked between themselves and shouted at Wayne Barnes the ref.

They were getting onto the finer points of contesting a breakdown towards the end of the first half so I just bit the bullet and leaned in and offered my insight - cue a conversation! Yay go me!  I ended up chatting with this bloke called Matt who had an affiliation to Coventry rugby club for most of the second half while we were watching and he was a cracking chap.  I won't bore you with all of the details, after all it was pretty much all based on rugby and the various injuries sustained playing the sport we both love, but at the end as they were about the head to the fan village to watch the England match he said something that I don't think he realised meant a hell of a lot to me.  He said him and his friends are season ticket holders and that the seats they have are the seats they will be in every home match, if I wanted, why not book the same seat for myself and we can meet up next time I am down.  Needless to say after getting home I booked tickets for my son and I to go and watch the game against Saracens this weekend.

Now this meeting and a couple of other things that have gone on during the past couple of days have made me realise that a lot of the problems I am facing are because of things that have happened to me in the past which makes it difficult for me to form meaningful friendships and relationships.  So I have decided that it is best for the kids if Dad isn't a complete loner who doesn't really talk to anyone, but I need help getting the confidence that I used to have back.  I have been stuck in this rut for too long and so I am spending this morning finding out what support services are on offer locally and getting back to who I was before this dip.  It's not just for the kids, its for me, and it's for someone else too who's wise advice and genuine honesty telling me I need to get my shit together has helped me make this decision - you know who you are so I want to say "Thank You!".

Edit: Well I got some bad news today - very bad news and I am gutted but I can't really dwell on it, just have to move forward and get back to being myself.

What a difference a day makes

So yesterday I wrote about being in a rut effectively and not really having the chance to talk to people but in the space of a day from voicing the opinion, I have made the first steps I mentioned to sorting it out.

I have been injured and not able to play rugby for quite a while now (5 months give or take) and last night I went down to my rugby club whilst Granny kindly babysat for me to take part in the Monday night O2 Touch Rugby session.  This session plays closer to rugby league rather than union which I normally play - 6 tackles, rollback for a tackle, no scrums, relies on running lines and handling skills.  It also takes away ALL the contact areas from either code.  We have kids as young as 8 playing with us (and yes we let them score too) and folks as old as late 40s.  I am never fit enough to train with the first team and there is no such thing as a Veterans squad training session so this is what I use as my cardio and skills training each week.

The amount of people there that came up to me and said something along the lines of "Hey, you're back, wecome!" was amazing and made me remember why I chose this club to call my home, it's such a great atmosphere, such awesome people and it's never too high pressure to perform.  I felt the weight of lonliness simply fall away and I felt stronger, more confident and more my normal self, even if the last 10 minutes of the last game we played were in horrendous conditions (high wind, hail stinging every part of the body and bloody cold).

So I came home, had a bath to soothe the aches (didn't work too well I am aching today pretty badly but thats just due to lack of conditioning and not another injury thank goodness).  I then went online to start a conversation on a group I have joined.  I felt confident to set out my stall and say I wanted to talk to someone and why I wanted to talk, it felt easy to be open about how I feel and to be honest I am quite proud of myself.

I ended up having a long chat with someone and we have continued the discussion this morning while the little one was at school.  To actually have someone listen to me, and for me to feel comfortable enough to give them a warts and all recent life story and have them not run off screaming and then share their equivalent with me has done me the world of good.  I said I would post on how it was going so here I am, and I certainly hope this isn't just a lucky start and I continue to feel this good about myself at last.

No-one plays forever

Last night I started a new adventure.  I feel a debt of gratitude to my rugby club, not only for making me feel welcome when I first turned up to play touch rugby a couple of years back and ever since, but for helping me keep my sanity through making me feel wanted, a valuable member of the squad, letting me push myself as a player and get that frustration and stress out on the field.

Ever since that first night I have felt like I wanted to give something back to the club and last summer that journey began when I chose to not only subscribe as a player but electing to pay a little extra to become a club vice president.  Last night the next step was taken, and with the injuries of the past year or so it has come at about the right time.  Last night I started down the path of becoming a qualified coach.

Now, in a room full of other new coaches, I was one of only 5 males which gives an enormous indication at how well Lichfield do at training the female side of the game, and in fact I believe everyone there (22 people) except me wanted to be either a mini-junior coach (mixed boy/girl) or age range girls coach.  My motivation was slightly different in this respect.  I want to help coach adults.  I want to be the person who when someone rocks up after 10-15 years of not playing, takes newcomers under their wing the way the Director of Rugby and veterans manager took me in and helped me.  Not often I could say that the person in charge of a national league side has time to spend half an hour on a Monday night after everyone else has gone home from touch, to help me hone my techniques in the scrum, lineout and ruck.  Those precious hours were invaluable to me (after all, as a veteran I am no where near fit enough to mix with the boys in the first team training sessions).

So was it done to me, so I shall pass it forward and do the same to others.  I can't play forever, but I can be involved.

My son the geek.... I'm so proud

I have been a gamer for ..... longer than I care to admit.  I have mentioned before using my computer as a way of socialising when I can't go out of an evening and it has worn off on my son now as well.  He loves playing on the family xbox and laptop and doesn't watch tv, preferring to watch YouTube instead.

One of his greatest wishes for quite a while now has been to have his own YouTube channel and to emulate some of his favourite YouTubers playing some of his favourite games.  So today we have sat down and had a chat about me potentially going back to work, and the fact that this will limit the time we get together a little more than it has over the past couple of years.

One advantage of going back to work, aside from my own sanity at not feeling trapped at home and not contributing to society, is the fact that I will be able to afford some of the things we have been putting off for quite a long time as they are luxuries, so an xbox one, a new computer for him and me, giving him the laptop for school homework, and yes, finally sorting out the video capture kit and video camera for him to be able to do his vlogs and gaming videos.

So we have decided to make a channel specifically for us both gaming together - the way I see it is that we will have a record of our time together, he will get his wish of a YouTube channel and we can have a hell of a lot of fun doing it.

Now to just secure the job - kids are a wonderful motivator!

This pain won't seem to heal...

Rather a morbid title for today's post but there is good reason for it, and it's not all that morbid.  I play rugby as a means of getting my frustrations out.  Everyone bottles some aspects of their life up, has frustrations, needs an outlet.  I guess some people choose the gym, some go watch football, others do needlework, it takes all sorts.  For me its rugby and it always has been since I was a teenager.

I am the kind of person who gives it his all to everything I do.  I can't help but be driven to be the best I can be in anything I try.  In the context of rugby it doesn't mean I am in the first XV, in fact at my age and fitness level I play for the Veterans (3rd XV).  Now I try and keep fit, and yes I give everything to that as well, but the problem I have is that I get injured.  A lot.  I worked out recently that in the past 12 months I have been injured in one way or another for at least 10 of them.  I have had knee ligament damage, both ankles damaged, crazy problems with fingers, concussion, broken ribs, all in the name of my sport.

Now the issue that is the topic for today.  At the moment my problem is a small tear in my hamstring.  Not a massive issue but still enough to stop me playing.  I can cope with it pretty much without painkillers (ok I occasionally take some paracetamol when it gets really tight) and it doesn't stop me doing most things, just aware of it nagging me, constantly there.  Now, this happened about eight weeks ago when I was recovering from a knee problem - my leg has been compensating for my knee injury and it got too much for my hamstring,  The problem now is that it just won't seem to heal.  It will die down after a couple of weeks then I will end up having to do something that requires a little leg strength and ping there it goes again.  Even something as daft as playing with the kids has made it give before now.

I really want to get back to my rugby but there are 2 main points that are stopping me right now.  Firstly I am tired of coming back too soon from injury and ending up injuring myself straight away again, and secondly with spring coming soon I want to be able to run about in the garden with the kids which means I need to stop having this hamstring go pop on me.

Anyway - today has been a bit of a ramble but needless to say this is another avenue for releasing the frustration, same as rugby is.  Got any other ideas that don't end up with me heading to A&E every other Saturday afternoon? Let me know in the comments.

Support networks

So I write a post about how I get stuck at home all of the time (well, comparatively) and yet just a couple of days after I get invited out for a drink with a couple of friends.  This doesn't happen all too often as I made plainly clear before so I was damned if I was going to pass up on the opportunity, and hence this leads quite nicely on to the topic for today; support networks.

Having an effective support network around you is so important, as a parent generally I think, but even more so for a single parent.  I help out some of the other parents at school by picking up their kids and looking after them for a couple of hours here and there when they are working, and whilst the offer is always made to return the favour, I have very rarely taken them up on it.  Part of this is because most of the times I want to go out are when my daughter at least is in bed, if not both of them, however some of it is because I am very aware of changing the kids routine and asking them to stay somewhere different never goes well.

A long time ago, I lived around 100 miles away from family.  We came up every other weekend to see both sides of the family but we ended up moving back up to be close to them after a medical emergency which meant our closest support very kindly drove the 40 miles from where they lived to help us with the kids.  

So the kids routinely have a sleepover at their Granny's house nowadays.  They both love staying there (and get spoilt rotten!) and some of the time its just as a treat, and other occasions, like tonight, it is because I have been invited out.  One thing I make sure of is that I always tell the kids which way around it is.  If I am asking them if they want to stay over because I am going out and they say no, I stay in.  This doesn't happen very often but I like the kids knowing that they have the final say, perhaps that makes me a soft parent, perhaps not.

Either way, tonight I managed to get out and meet friends for the first time in ages, drank far too much coke (I was driving after all), and got home far too late.  In other words I had a wonderful time, and without my support network it wouldn't have happened.  

One thing to make sure of whenever you use your support network - it's a two way thing, always is and be mindful of their needs as much as your own.  Tomorrow as re-payment I am going to be putting Christmas decorations in the loft for the old dear as she struggles to do it herself.  This may not seem like a lot compared to having the kids stay over, but it is what she asked for in return so who am I to question her?